What I've Been Going Through This Month....

Crazy is the new normal. But then, even the state of crazy can be a porthole to another level of insanity. I really want to take some time to explain where I’ve been, what I’ve been up to, why I haven’t been the best role model or support out there recently.  My level of personal growth has been through the roof this month and facing the month of August, I really want to head into it with a new level of maturity and grace.  So here’s my story.

The Background Information: As many of you know, July was busy with my trip to Texas. The days prior and the days after were about getting ready or getting settled. It’s not easy leaving 4 kids and a husband behind for a week. Also prior to my leaving my mom had an abnormal mammogram.  She had a biopsy scheduled for July 14^th, and we were going to try not to worry about it until then so Mom went to Kentucky to see my sister and I went to Texas. Mom had her biopsy and then we had to wait for a little bit for those results. They said they’d call Friday or Monday. Friday came and went leaving us to speculate all weekend. Monday came and right at the end of the day the doctor called. He said he didn’t have enough information yet but it was cancer. July 21^st Mom had an appointment with the surgeon. This is when we found out that it was an invasive form of breast cancer, somewhere between a stage 1 and stage 2. She was given 4 treatment options. As of today, we’ve narrowed it down to two. One option was not treat it at all and die within 4-5 years. Gladly she discarded that option quickly. Right now we’re (I say ‘we’ like I’m going through this too!) proceeding with the plan to either do a lumpectomy with radiation or double mastectomy. The thought for that is that we believe this is a genetic problem and if we just perform the lumpectomy she’ll be dodged with the threat of breast cancer the rest of her life. We have until the morning of the surgery to make that decision so prayers are appreciated on this matter.

Last Thursday, my mom’s husband worked all day in the yard (they live on 20 acres) and he came in saying something was wrong with his eye. He couldn’t see. Friday morning Kaiser called and asked Mom to come in for a nuclear MRI. Kerry (mom’s husband) decided to get his eye checked out. Friday just spiraled out of control really fast. My husband Roy and my boys had all taken off for their annual boys weekend and I was trying to spend the weekend with my girls. It was in the early afternoon that I got the frantic call from my mom saying that Kerry needed to have surgery to reattach his retina. The surgery needed to be performed at OHSU Casey Eye Institute. With mom dealing with her breast cancer and a big plate of uncertainties, this was a little much for everyone. The newest uncertainty was, will Kerry be able to see out of his right eye ever again.

Saturday morning, Kerry had a reaction to the anesthesia. He had some seizures, quit breathing, and scared my mom half to death. Later I heard that the doctor was completely calm during the ordeal and just tapped him on the chest to wake him up. The call I got from my mom was mumbled up with hysteria and tears. All she told me was that “I almost lost him, Chair” (mom calls me ‘chair’ sometimes)  The doctor sent them home but the drive is long and mom was afraid so she just kept driving. She got home, all the way out in Molalla and realized she forgot all Kerry’s prescriptions. So Allison and I went and picked up the prescriptions and drove them out to their house.

Prognosis on Kerry: We won’t know if he’ll have his vision restored on that right eye for 4 or 5 weeks. We know that the left eye is also about to fall apart, so he will need to have that retina patch welded here soon as well.

Plan and prognosis for Mom: Right now surgery is scheduled for August 19^th. The day after her 60^th birthday. How extensive that surgery will be, remains to be seen as of yet because Mom hasn’t officially declared her treatment of choice.   Either way it will either involve chemo or radiation for some time after the surgery.

What is the plan for me this month: I really hope you’ve hung in there long enough to read to this part. Let me start with the technical first off. Kerry (step dad) is in no position to take care of mom right now, get her to her pre-op appointments, surgery or whatever. My sister is in Kentucky and can’t likely get here in time to help. Likewise, Mom is in no position to take care of Kerry right now. She’s too emotional and scared. My mom’s doctor has declared Kerry unfit for driving her or for after surgery care so I’ve been declared the caretaker/chauffeur.

How is my own health? Let me be upfront and tell you, waiting at hospitals with closed cafeterias and nothing but vending machines around, it’s pretty impossible to be on plan. Both times I was called to the hospital, I didn’t have time to go home and pack a day’s worth of food before I left. (this is a good reminder, clients, always have a lot of food with you when you go out! I had food, just not enough for me and allison for a whole day... but it would've been helpful to have a whole box of bars in the car... like there is now!) The stress has been incredible. I don’t remember a time in my life where I’ve been faced with every single eating trigger all at once. Lonely (Roy was gone), scared, nervous, hopeless, uncertain, bored,  guilty,  depressed…you name it.  So, I fell off the proverbial wagon again. I don’t even remember what I ate or how much. I remember thinking that the crunching made me feel like I was doing something and I thought that was weird. I had been battling with my depression- feeling like I can’t do much of anything and am good at pretty much nothing.

The good news is that just since last Saturday, I feel like I’ve grown emotionally by leaps and bounds! I am looking at how I handled the last week and although, I’m disappointed in myself, I can say plainly that it isn’t good enough. I know who I am, I know what my strengths are, I know who is counting on me to be stable emotionally and physically.

I’ve been watching Dr. Anderson’s DVD series “The Thin Healthy Mind” and learning about how these habits form and what happened is when all that stress was taking place, my brain switched to auto-pilot. I just started doing again, what I’ve always done when faced with stress. I realize that the month of August and perhaps September are going to be hard and I cannot afford to deal with my stress the same old way.  I need to switch to manual drive for a while, be very aware of what I’m eating, what I’m saying, what I’m doing and be prayerful about it all as well.

So here’s my formal apology:  Although most of the stress has taken place this past week, it all started before I left for Texas. I have moments of strength, but more often than not, I have felt weak and drained.  I want to apologize for not being the best coach ever during this time. I signed up several new clients this month and I’m afraid they haven’t gotten to see the best side of me yet. I’m sorry that I haven’t taken responsibility for my own health or for my own schedule. I’ve learned so much in the quiet times, waiting and praying.

The month of August, will, without a doubt be a challenge but I am up for it. I am not losing sight of my hope, my Jesus, my future or my goals or YOURS. I feel like, as I begin this journey through the battle field of breast cancer and blindness that I am ready and I am fully armored and prepared as I can be to face all this insanity.

Take shape for life:  I’m excited for how TSFL is changing people’s lives right now. Every day I hear stories that inspire me, remind me of my purpose statement and what wonderful clients I have. I am still growing my business, I am still taking care of my clients and I am still taking on new ones. One of the neat things right now is that a lot of the people that started in January are reaching their goals and transitioning into a maintenance plan! I should count how many there are. You’d be surprised I think. That leaves me with room for more. I will have a lot of time to take calls, to respond to emails and instant chat this month, so please do not hesitate to contact me for whatever you need. Trust me, hearing you lost another 4 lbs this week will only encourage and support ME!

This weekend, I’m taking my kids camping. We’re going to get away as a family for just a few days while we can. Then Monday, I will be hitting my own health with the TSFL hammer, hard core. I really would like you all to feel free to hold me accountable as well.

If you’d like to join me, learn some Habits of Health or give TSFL a try, please feel free to call me! I really am here for you as often as you need and we can meet at Starbucks and talk or we can skype, email back and forth or whatever is most comfortable for you.

I got my head in the game now. Watch out world. 

Featuring Leigh....

I have become acquainted and befriended by one of my dad's clients and she had been struggling a lot with her feelings and dealing with her food issues (we all have them.) I just encouraged her over and over again to get it down on paper, write it out. I am sure if you are one of my clients you've heard me say this before, but journaling and blogging are really key to mastering our emotional connections to our weight and conqueroring  our frustrations! Well, she finally did it! She sent me a copy of her first journal entry and I asked permission to feature it here on my blog this week. She was more than happy to share.

Feel free to leave any encouraging words behind to my friend! I'm so incredibly proud of her and her journey this far. She blesses my sox off and I'm sure she'll bless yours as well..... 

July 15, 2010

I did my measurements for the first time…wow, I am huge!!!  I was bigger though, because I have lost 38 pounds in 10 weeks on TSFL.  This week I have passed up popcorn at the theater, homemade blueberry pie and homemade truffles…that’s really good and I don’t know why I am not excited about those small victories.  Charity and Robin were both telling me how I should celebrate that….but I don’t ‘feel’ victorious…I feel the pain and frustration of the struggles and why is it so hard for me anyway.  How did I get this fat.  Almost 8 years ago, exactly, I was 413 pounds!  I had done every weight loss program, and fad diet that I had ever heard of. I even had anorexia for a short time and then bulimia for over 13 years.  So, 8 years ago on July 10, 2002,   I finally was going under the knife…I had an open RNY Long limb gastric bypass surgery.  I knew I could die on the table…but I was so desperate to get the weight off after a lifetime of obesity that I was willing to go to this extreme.  The surgery was a success and I lost 213 pounds the first year….I was still overweight, but I was down to a size 16 from a 5x and I felt pretty good.  Over the next 8 years, I gained 81 pounds pack.  I wasn’t 413, but I was huge and back into a 2x.  My life was miserable.  The weight sapped my energy and I had/have severe depression.  Although the surgery was a huge help, I still never changed my lifestyle, other than staying away from sugar because it makes me ill. Also, resulting from the surgery,  I suffer anemia and deficiencies in vit D, and B-12, which my body no longer absorbs.  Why hasn’t my weight stayed off and progressed to a healthy weight?  I know it is because of not eating the right foods and exercising.  I still was eating a lot of breads and other carbs.  In fact I worked at a bread store/bakery for 3 years and then back in the school kitchens as a cook…always around food and always eating.  Even though my stomach ‘pouch’ is about 8 to 10 oz. now, I can eat the wrong foods in small increments all day long and gain weight…which is what I have done.  Even the extremity of having a gastric bypass did not ‘fix’ my weight and health problems.  I was gaining weight, having poor health, knee problems, energy problems and major depression.  I felt so hopeless.

At church I noticed a friend, Steve, who all of a sudden to me looked very thin.  I found out he was on TSFL.  I envied him, but thought no way was that for me…it’s just another fad diet.  Plus, what would my husband and family say about me trying yet another attempt at losing weight…I mean, I have been on EVERY diet I ever heard of, spent thousands of dollars and was still fat.  I dwelled in my hopelessness for a few more weeks and then brought it up to my husband.  I said, ‘I know what I want for my birthday”…my 44^th birthday was just a month away.  When I told him that I wanted 1 month on the diet that Steve was on…he said, “that’s really expensive…but okay, let’s check into it.”  I was really surprised that he was considering it.  We are the family that struggles month to month, payday to payday etc.  We had no savings or credit cards …nothing.  We talked to Steve and he explained the program and just prior to my birthday I ordered the first month supply of food.  I was skeptical but praying so hard to God that I would lose some weight.  My first week on program was hard.  For the first five days I was hungry, nauseous…had headaches, exhaustion etc….pretty much felt like poop…but Steve said that was normal for a few days and that it would get better.  By the 6^th day I didn’t have those symptoms and I was looking forward to weighing in on Sunday.  My first week’s weight loss was 11 pounds!  I was very proud and hopeful at that point.  I believed this could work and that I could lose some of this weight.  I needed to lose at least 101 pounds to put me around 180, a high-end healthy weight for my height etc.  This huge amount to lose was overwhelming, but I was encouraged enough by my first week’s loss to keep going. I heard there were many people who had lost over a hundred pounds on TSFL.   I made it through my first month with no cheating and a loss of 21 pounds.  I ordered the next month of supplies and kept going….it’s been 10 weeks now and I have lost 38 pounds!  I still suffer depression and that prevents me from the ‘feel good’ part of losing and getting healthy, but I am sticking to the program, going to meetings and communicating with Steve, Robin and Charity.  I feel like I have 3 health coaches who are all willing to help me and support me and I am blessed to be so fortunate.  I don’t feel alone anymore in my struggles with obesity.  My husband and children also encourage me to stay on program and they ask about my loss every Sunday and compliment me on doing a good job, or looking good.  They don’t complain about me making lean and green dinners and they don’t mock me for not tasting the fresh blueberries from our garden or the chocolate truffles Heidi made…they say, “good job, mom’.

I am hoping that as I get healthier, my family will get healthier too.  I want there to be a turning point to where I become more active and do some active activities with the kids as they too struggle with obesity.  I want to change our future and not be the fat family on the block who stay home and never do anything.  We’ve started swimming together this month, yes, I put on a swimsuit, so that is a start to being more active for me.  I will continue on program and continue working with my psychiatrist on my depression and am hoping for a ‘fully healthy me’ someday.  I give God praise for orchestrating these changes in my life; and gratitude to my family and coaches who are my encouragement.

If you are interested in having a coach, being a coach,  learning more about Take Shape For Life, learning about the role of a health coach, nutrition, weight loss or have any questions at all, please feel free to contact me anytime! 503-936-9728  or husk7736@comcast.net  Tonight in Hillsboro, OR and tomorrow night in Gresham, OR (see below for locations and times) you can come and meet with me in person and learn more as well! Don't wait another day! Experience HOPE now!

Take Aways And 'Ah Hah!' Moments

Take Shape For Life National Convention 2010 was life altering. It built on things I already knew. It added height to training I received in Orlando back in April. It has the potential to change America. 

Thursday morning we heard from speaker Brian Biro who taught us about 'break through moments.' To take that lesson to the extreme, we broke 1" boards with our hands. Yeah. It was nuts a little bit. We were supposed to write down things that were holding us back on the side with the 'X' on it. And on the back side, we put what our life would be like if we broke through that barrier. In case you want to know about mine, read on.

The side with the 'X' on it had "Good Enough" written on it.  I've lost 120 lbs. I've kept it off for a year. I've climbed a MOUNTAIN! I've found a calling that fulfills my need to be purposeful. I've achieved the rank of Executive Director (top 9% of health coaches) But I stopped there. Somewhere deep down inside I didn't feel the need to improve on all that and it was holding me back. Good is the enemy of great. What would my life be like if I decided to not settle for good enough? I imagine it would look like I had confidence, health, integrity, a healthy weight. It would include more mountains, possibly some sky diving. I would be 100% present with the people I am with. I would expand my business so that I could help more people. We got the privilege of dedicating our boards and I chose to dedicate mine to my Jesus and my kids and my husband. 

I was sure I would be one of the people who couldn't break the board. But it meant so much to me that I was determined. Even as I gave Eric my board for him to hold I grabbed it back and looked at it again. I wanted "Good Enough" to know that it wasn't "good enough" anymore. See the video clip here:

Click here:  Charity's Break Through Moment 

Now the trainings and the rest of the classes were informative and inspiring but the next most powerful thing didn't happen at a real TSFL event. Some of the leaders decided to hold a church service at the Gaylord Texan Resort on Sunday morning. I was up till 2 am the night before, woke up at 8:57 am (service started at 9 am!) and for some reason, just felt like I HAD to be there. So, I tossed on some wrinkled clothes, put my hair up, tossed some make up on and SKIPPED COFFEE and breakfast (gasp) to get there. Ran in a couple minutes late but it was still good. We heard scriptures, sang some songs and listened to people share. Many people had very moving stories to share. We didn't want it to be a Take Shape For Life event but you know, we were all so thankful. At one point in our lives (I think its safe to say its the same for all of us that were there) we had prayed to God for help with our health. We all felt like God had sent us a health coach and  an answer. One gentleman was telling about how he was getting so much attention for his weight loss. He called his wife to tell her and she said "Honey, did you give Jesus the glory?" and his answer was a sheepish 'no.' This gentleman stood up and made up for that giving Jesus the glory for his health and it was so precious. Am I pointing to Jesus every time someone compliments me or tells me how I've changed their lives? Well, I want to. I was thinking about how Jesus always healed people. He would heal blindness, heal leprosy, heal blood disorders, ect - this helped form the relationship so that from there, Jesus could give them what they really need. I think that when I am coaching people about their health, that maybe that relationship could open doors to share the giver of health and life and peace and joy. 

So my Kevin McCarthy purpose is "I exist to instill bravery." Making big changes in our lives takes courage and sticking with something or someone even when it is hard takes bravery. I have found this out and want to inspire others to do the same.  My Jesus purpose is to point people to Him, all the time. In order to do this I need to always be filling up my cup, every day, full of Jesus, so that by the end of the day I have something left to give still. My TSFL purpose is to be a part of Generation-H. A generation for health and to bring health to all of America and make a difference. This will take commitment on my part because I love Texas toast and peanut M&M's as much as the rest of you but I want to be part of this great movement and I want my kids to grow up in a healthy environment so they can be fit enough to do what God has called them to do. 

So that's it in a nutshell. My notes from the weekend are type written and 25 pages long but I am ready to tackle hopelessness, fear, obesity and poor health with God's help. 

Now I've been interrupted 100 times while trying to write this so I hope it all makes sense! Have a healthy week and I'll write y'all (a little thing I picked up in Texas) again next Tuesday! 

About the photo on top: This is my friend Crystal and my friend Amanda! Between the 3 of us, we've lost 410 lbs with Take Shape For Life! 

Short and Sweet

I really having nothing HUGE, or any life altering bits of genius to write about this week. As many of you know, I am heading out to Texas for the week. Leaving in about 11 hours. I'm pretty much all packed and ready to go. For those of you who are 'would be' creepers and thieves, I'm going alone. My house shall remain fully occupied during my absence so don't get any crazy ideas. :) 

Saturday I went to Oaks Park to celebrate my littlest sister's 14th birthday! Something monumental did happen there. I rode the roller coaster. It had one of those bars that comes down over your head. Not the same kind I got kicked off of at Six Flags, but It did have to securely lock in place. It was the first time I'd been on a roller coaster since June 2008! 

Let me just tell you how it felt. Really good. Really really good. Not "Mt. Hood" good, but it did have sentimental value to it and I cannot wait to go back to Six Flags and do it right! 

(So, if you don't remember the story, read my last post. I describe the horror of being kicked off the roller coaster in short detail there. I am sure you can find the story in older posts as well.) 

Think about what it is that holds meaning to you. What is it that you'd like to do? What is it that you can't do now that'd you like to reach for? Reach for the stars, my friends. With the proper support, you can do it. Call me. We'll write it out on paper and make your dreams a reality (God willing, of course.!) Best wishes to you all!