Forgiveness

October 27, 2008

So after all the accomplishments of the weekend, after avoiding all the major weapons of warfare out to get me, it may be just a simple pebble that trips me up. When I got home last night it occurred to me how fragile I am now, after that weekend. How a tiny piece of candy on top of the microwave could fell me. Part of me says to give up now. What if I was to die tonight? I’d never get a final good meal! I’ve been on ten different diets that have all failed. I’ve spent money and wasted energy trying to lose weight while my friend, Chrissy hasn’t done a dang thing. The thing is she is no better or worse off than I am and look at how much food she has eaten and money she has saved while I’ve starved. The ‘book’ says I need to forgive myself. I am going to type here what it says about ‘forgiveness’.

“We all need forgiveness. While it sounds like a cliché, it’s often hardest simply to forgive ourselves. Looking at the world through a negative prism robs you of the joy of living. No wonder you turn to food for comfort. You’re always mad at yourself for one thing or another. Today is the day to stop being angry with yourself for whatever you feel you’ve done wrong and to get on with the business of healthy living.”

Well, that’s me. I’m mad at myself for failing over and over again. Yah, it’d feel really good to eat a large bubbly cheesy piece of pizza right now. Dang, I’d love to eat a WHOLE pizza right now. But I’d be mad at myself. I’d probably NEVER forgive myself and I’d eat to make me feel better about it.

I’d like to point out that all week I haven’t had heartburn even once. That’s huge. I often have felt like I was going to die from heartburn. What a relief to not have to deal with that.