One of my 'BEFORE' pictures. It was taken on my California trip this past June. This is the trip that I got kicked off of the ride because I couldn't buckle the safety harness. It was humiliating. I haven't gained or lost anything since then, so it's a pretty acurate portrayal. I have worse 'BEFORE' pictures-swimsuit!- but I won't post them here. Too embarrassing.

Tuesday October 21, 2008
Today I start my journey to dump these fat rolls that hinder my exuberance. I remember when I was 16 years old, my aunt Carole, God rest her soul, told me that “short of a disaster, Charity, you will always be fat.” I tried to harness my anger over that statement and use it to keep myself thin for many years but eventually I just decided that she was right and quit fighting. Today, I pick up the fight again. I am excited and can’t wait for the pounds to start to drop off. With my previous difficulty losing weight, I wonder if it will work as well as the success stories boast.

Meal 1: 9:30 am Banana Shake-it was good but I think it needs to be colder somehow coffee with splenda
Meal 2: 12:30 pm Cream of Chicken Soup – it was even good but I need to microwave it more than one minute. It needs to be hotter. The top of the soup has yellow on it and it is psyching me into thinking that the soup is buttery

Meal 3: 3:00 pm Peanut butter chocolate bar. Yum.
Meal 4: 6:30 pm Cherry Pomegranate shake-- YUCK
Meal 5: 9:30 pm Hot cocoa. The second packet was good. I tried it once, prepping it like the package said and it all gummed up weird. Second time I shook it in the shaker then poured it into a mug and microwave it and it was yummy.
Lean & Green Meal: Ice berg lettuce, eggs, ranch, celery, cucumber

Wednesday October 22, 2008

I made it through yesterday. It ended with a headache and I was hungry. Not so bad it was intolerable though. I woke up with a headache and cramps. I really just want to lie down until I feel better but Roy will be home soon and he’s already critical of how I spend my time. Kids are whining and need my help with school and I think I’m going to cry. I need to tell myself this is temporary. Go take some Advil and this will be all worth it.

Something I noticed yesterday was time. I found myself wondering what I was going to do with all the time I had. So much time is spent preparing food, going to get food, planning food. I had 15 minutes to spare and drove by a Starbucks. I would’ve filled that time with waiting in line at Starbucks if I wasn’t on this diet. So what do I do with those 15 minutes now? I had so much more time to spend yesterday I didn’t really know what to do with myself. Weird, huh? Tonight will be a test. The kids go to Awanas and I usually go and buy myself a ‘special dinner’ and even a milkshake. I need to get a good book. Maybe I’ll pack my memory verses with me?

11:30 Found out a friend is having surgery today so now I know what I’ll do with my Awanas time tonight. I’ll go visit her in the hospital.

The headache never went away.

Meal 1 9:30 cappuccino – to die for, especially mixed with black coffee. I want another J

Meal 2 12:45 Smores Granola bar

Meal 3 3:00 Blueberry antioxidant shake-better than the cherry pomegranate shake but still not my fave.

Meal 4 6:00 strawberry cream shake it was OK, not as sweet as I’m used to

Meal 5 9:00 maple brown sugar oatmeal. Weird. More like mush but I got used to it and found it filling.

Lean and Green Meal 6 oz grilled chicken with lemon pepper seasoning and salad, 2 T low carb dressing

Snack Garden Vegetable crackers